


Pink Carnations

by quickquack



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Lesbian AU, actress!Trixie, artist!Katya, cisgirl au, just a lil bit of angst, no dialouge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-01 01:58:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10911993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quickquack/pseuds/quickquack
Summary: Trixie likes pink carnations because they match the decor in her pink oasis of an apartment. Katya likes pink carnations because when she googled flower meanings she read that they symbolize true love.





	Pink Carnations

**Author's Note:**

> I would apologize for any grammatical errors, but grammar is a social construct.  
> Enjoy this short little fic full of some good old fashioned Lesbian Yearning with a pinch of angst and a whole lot of fluff.

Katya loves having crushes on people. She loves thinking about them and everything she loves about them. She loves living for those moments when she makes them smile or make them laugh. She loves going out of her way to do little nice things for them. She loves cataloging what makes them happy in her head and in her heart so she can do those things more often to elicit another smile or another hug from them. She loves what being on the receiving end of one of those smiles or hugs does to her, making her feel flush with warmth.  
That is why she has memorized Trixie’s Starbucks order. A grande iced caramel macchiato with a pump of extra caramel and light ice. That is why she memorizes the music and all the lines to every musical that Trixie is in, so that she can help Trixie practice after rehearsal. That is why she always makes more absurd jokes when she is around Trixie, because although no one else will think she's funny, Trixie will. That is why when they’re taking a walk through a park and she sees a daisy, Katya will pick it and gently place it in Trixie’s long, blonde hair. That is why she gives Trixie a bouquet of pink carnations after Trixie exits stage door on the opening night of whatever production she is in. Trixie likes the pink carnations because they match the decor in her pink oasis of an apartment. Katya likes the pink carnations because when she googled flower meanings she read that they symbolize true love.  
Katya loves everything about Trixie. She loves her long blonde curls, and how they tickle her round butt when she throws her head back laughing. She loves her soft tummy and her thick thighs and her big boobs. She wishes she could leave red lipstick marks on all of those places on Trixie’s body, but she cant. She loves how when she is learning new choreography, she will break out into dance when she is waiting in line at Sephora. She loves how Trixie laughs when she sees Katya’s outfit choice for the day. Katya has started to accumulate more problem patterns and prairie dresses in her wardrobe as a result. She loves how Trixie lights up when she is on stage. She loves Trixie’s makeup, even disgusting men on the street yell at Trixie to wear less of it. She loves Trixie’s devotion to the color pink. She doesn’t love how Trixie’s nose wrinkles whenever she smells the scent of cigarette smoke on Katya. Katya has started to smoke less. Her lungs love Trixie for that.  
Sometimes Katya wonders if Trixie knows how much she loves her, and if Trixie loves her back. She wonders these things when she notices Trixie’s gaze lingering on her lips, or when their hugs last half a second too long. She wonders these things when Trixie holds her and gives her a kiss on the forehead when she’s having a panic attack about being a good enough artist to sell her work to real people for real money. She wonders these things when Trixie shows up to Katya’s studio with a tube of of her favorite red lipstick because she noticed that Katya was almost out when she was reapplying her lipstick during brunch last week. She wonders these things when Trixie picks a bit of dried paint out of Katya’s hair. She wonders these things when Trixie goes outside with Katya during her smoke breaks, even if the scent makes her nose wrinkle. She wonders these things when Trixie gives her one of her small, knowing smiles, like she holds the secrets to the universe in her head.  
Katya doesn’t like to linger long on these thoughts, because that would mean she is entertaining the thought of actually being Trixie’s girlfriend, and Trixie being hers. When she lingers on these thoughts she starts to think about things like waking up next to Trixie with Trixie’s large, soft breasts pressed up against her own, their foreheads touching. Things like Trixie moving into her apartment with her and her Barbie pink aesthetic slowly infiltrating Katya’s explosion of red Russian quasi-artistic thrift shop nonsense. Things like kissing Trixie hello and goodbye, leaving a red mark over Trixie’s pink lips. Things like holding Trixie’s hand while they look at weird vintage clothing together. Things like falling asleep while watching bad movies on Netflix together, Katya’s head on Trixie’s shoulder. Things like slow dancing to cheesy love songs in the kitchen while they make breakfast. Thinking about these things fill Katya up with a warmth that is both beautiful and terrifying all at once. Then she remembers that it isn't real, that it never can be real because Katya sometimes can’t stop the flow of words coming from her mouth, she is addicted to nicotine and caffeine, she always has paint in her hair, and sometimes she has weeks where she locks herself in her studio and refuses to talk to anyone and she doesn’t do anything except paint and smoke three packs of cigarettes a day. Then she remembers that Trixie would never want her as a girlfriend for all those reasons plus a million more, and then the warmth is replaced by a heavy weight in her chest that she can't seem to make go away.  
That is why when Trixie kisses her while they are binge watching America’s Next Top Model, Katya is so surprised that she almost forgets to kiss back. She feels like she is floating, and she puts her hands on Trixie’s cheeks in order to ground herself. As Trixie pulls away from the kiss, Katya smiles at the sight of Trixie’s pink fantasy being ruined with the smears of red on her lips that Katya had dreamed about placing there for so long. All Katya wants to do is kiss every freckle that she knows is hidden under Trixie’s full coverage foundation. She wants to kiss Trixie’s stretch marks that make it look like her stomach, boobs, hips, and thighs had been struck by lightning. She wants to kiss every part of Trixie’s body that she knows Trixie feels insecure about because Katya thinks every inch of her is perfect. When Trixie asks Katya if it's okay if she keeps kissing her and if she would like to go on a date sometime, Katya’s smile widens and she moves closer to Trixie, until she is straddling her lap and her arms are around Trixie’s waist. Their mouths collide together, and Katya can feel Trixie laughing through the kiss, her stomach vibrating against hers. Trixie’s mouth tastes like strawberry gum and Red Bull, and Katya hopes that her mouth doesn't taste too much like cigarettes. Katya wants to live in this moment forever, and for a second, she feels like she is.  
Katya loves having crushes on people, but she thinks that she might love being Trixie’s girlfriend more.


End file.
